| inconsiderate me |
[Jul. 10th, 2007|12:43 pm] |
so hearing this song for the last two days has made me cry uncontrollably. like every day I'm realizing how worthless and a waste i really am. it makes me wonder why I'm still alive and why i have soo much faith in absolutely the unthinkable. i put myself in situations that are doomed from the beginning. and then i act like its a shock when it blows up in my face. like i don't know what my deal is.. do i have a sign on my forehead that says "please treat me like shit, ill still be here for you in the morning?" like i don't understand how everyone can fuck me over and not give a shit. like i don't put faith in people and the ones that i do put faith in do nothing but completely fuck me over, hard. and as many times as i hear your name and i hear nothing but horrible bad things i still stick up for you. i have not heard a good thing about in you in years. all i hear is how much you suck and how i should pick my friends way better. but you're one of the few people id jump in front of a bullet for. id rather have you alive and well than myself. you're one of my best friends and i love you with all my heart. but i do realize it doesn't matter my feelings are never under consideration. from you, or for anyone in that matter. im at my breaking point i came to this state in bad spirits. lifes been a wreck lately and im trying to hold onto it tight and be chill and not let it rip me apart... but even the smallest things is making matters worse for me. i dont know how much stress, pressure i can actually take. i wish i still drank as much as i used to i wish i still did all the drugs. id be able to handle everything a lot better. im a fucking trainwreck. theres more ways to die then just killing yourself or being murdered and dead as a door knob.... living each day and suffering is a slow painful death cause its not ending anytime soon. suffering day in and day out and knowing once you wake up youre not going to smile anytime soon.. awesome.
Dear rosemary
I'd like to fade away
So wipe the me away
From your diary
Suicide whispers
In my ear and it happens
A lot around here
When I said, before
I'd sleep not to wake me if you left
Well I'm awake
And you're not here
And I'm better off dead
This is my last
Love letter to you
It's not a stunt
I'm well aware were through
When you think of me
Remember better times
'Cause ive grown to be
Quite selfish when i cry
Inconsiderate me
Sitting at home for the afternoon
Don't wanna go outside
Sick of sun soaked concrete streets
Close the blinds I'd rather hide
Because the ghost in me
Is out of key
From never keeping love
Sick of pale white bedroom sheets
Close your eyes, so I can die
You were my spine, my crutch
My breathe, my sight
My life, my death, my all
You were my hope, my fear
My love, my fear, my love
My fear, my fall
I can't do this without you
I can't do this without you
I've tried, I can't, I'm gone
Sincerely yours |
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| fuckin a man |
[Jul. 6th, 2007|01:05 pm] |
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life in ma is decent.. cant wait til i start having money <3 |
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| so |
[Nov. 24th, 2005|08:37 pm] |
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new livejournal my other one was just too depressing... add it. |
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outta_line's journal